{"id":760,"date":"2012-10-15T12:14:37","date_gmt":"2012-10-15T12:14:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/?p=760"},"modified":"2013-11-22T17:36:57","modified_gmt":"2013-11-22T17:36:57","slug":"a-sense-of-belonging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/news-blog\/a-sense-of-belonging\/","title":{"rendered":"A sense of Belonging – October 2012 Reunion Blog"},"content":{"rendered":"

An Account of the UK HKAN Reunion in Birmingham on 6th October 2012 contributed by Laura Tan. Some names & info has been removed or\u00a0abbreviated\u00a0for data protection:
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\u201cWould anyone be willing to write a blog of today?\u201d asks someone, possibly Debbie, or Kate or Jessica<\/a>. Yes, it has to be one of the brilliant trio who have worked so hard to steer the group forward and by sheer determination, hard graft and careful planning have made this re-union (maybe a union for first timers) possible \u2013 thank you.<\/p>\n

My \u2018volunteer to write the blog voice\u2019 stays quiet. But my hand seems to shoot up all by itself . Today I am energised and excited by all that has happened. On a roll, thinking, learning, reflecting, growing. Finding my authentic voice, which often seems to get lost in other situations, and indeed got lost at the rather large (for me) BAAF<\/a> conference earlier this year in London. At the BAAF event, I felt unsure and overwhelmed \u2013 and this is in no way intended to criticise what was a brilliant event. I have since worked out, that personal buttons about being the focus of attention for being adopted and Chinese were being stimulated and uncomfortable memories triggered.<\/p>\n

After Saturday\u2019s event, on Facebook, Jess offers me good advice \u201cBasically the blog is meant for people that might not have been able to make it to an event so they can get a sense of the day \u2013 it doesn\u2019t need to be complex at all\u201d. \u00a0She also adds \u201cit would also be great to have a personal touch from your perspective of the day and maybe how you felt a little if you\u2019re comfortable with it =).<\/p>\n

Advice from both Jess, and Ernest Hemingway (\u201cwrite the truest sentence you know\u201d) stimulate some deep and complex thinking about what I want to blog. I have written about my feelings of being adopted in my journal, but that was just for private consumption. It feels quite different to write a piece that aims to do justice to such a brilliant day and for an audience with whom I have some deep connection, but barely yet know. To find an authentic writer\u2019s voice. I hear it in my head, I feel it in my heart, but how to put it into words?<\/p>\n

The truest sentence I know, is that prior to Saturday, I flinched at the very idea of fellow adoptees calling, or referring to me as Sister. After the BAAF conference, I reported back to my husband that I felt again, here was another place, another group, where I had hoped to fit in, but didn\u2019t feel I did. And now something feels different. Now the event is over, and as I continue to process something has shifted. And I want to go back to edit my first paragraph and write \u2013 Thank you, SISTERS, to the SISTERS who organised, and the SISTERS who attended. I want to shout the word SISTER from the rooftops, and hear a thousand Chinese voices shout it, whisper it, mouth it back to me, Jie Jie (big sister, big sister), Mei Mei (little sister, little sister) \u2013 welcome home.<\/p>\n

Back to some neutrality. Some objective (well, I can but try) account of the day.<\/p>\n

\"Socialising<\/a>Doors opened at 10.45am. The day is a bright sunny Saturday 6th<\/sup> October.The venue was Birmingham\u2019s Chinese Community Centre<\/a>. Generously donated free of charge, Kate\u2019s workplace. There seemed to me to be time to refresh, meet old and new faces, exchange contact details on a usefully prepared list.<\/p>\n

But there was also a finely honed structure to the day, presumably put in place by Kate. And so, to try to add clarity to this blog I\u2019ll try and structure the blog from here to match the structure. Helpful, when my thoughts are literally all over the place.<\/p>\n

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Icebreaker<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\"Reunion<\/a>The icebreaker was announced whilst I was in the loo. Jess has since reliably informed me that \u201cpeople were asked to match up with someone they didn\u2019t know and talk about the last adoption thing they came across. Then we would have to tell the groups who and what we talked about as a mini introduction\u201d. And not everyone present was adopted. Adoptees had brought with them sisters, husbands, daughters and possibly friends.\u00a0 <\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Discovery\"<\/a>Debbie has asked Yvonne to take H. under her wing as it is her first time to a HKAN reunion. They are seated next to each other on my table. H. is speaking to the group and reads aloud from an article detailing the names of the babies and children who travelled to the UK with her. She reads a name and Yvonne shouts \u201cThat was me\u201d. I am instantly struck how I yearn to find my fellow travelling companions. Almost as much as I long to find my birth family, I yearn to find those who were with me in Po Leung Kuk.<\/p>\n

\"USA<\/a>And we have an international adoptee from the USA who has come for the first time to the UK. She has a beautiful book of photographs from Fanling (Babies Home orphanage). Earlier I have talked properly with two adoptees who were adopted into the same family as sisters. They are also seated at my table. Their united names form the name of our American visitor. How cool is that? I feel I have been witness to something beautiful. Debbie hands me a gift. A beautiful little mirror with our logo and website address, now changed to .com which very appropriately marks the inclusion of our American sisters. A present, now safely treasured, from Kate, Jess and Debbie. Is there no limit to this trio\u2019s generosity of time, spirit and heart?<\/p>\n

For me, the ice completely melted when J. spoke of how important our group was for her, how she so valued being part of it, how she wanted to find her roots and her culture, and learn the language with, and for her children? For me the \u2018ice breaker\u2019 was more like a \u2018snow former\u2019. A thousand (well, yes, I exaggerate, there were probably about 30 adoptees and 8 guests) snowflakes, swirling, dancing, falling to make pure, bright, yet untrodden snow. And much later, when the group is discussing their experiences of being supported Debbie speaks out courageously to say how therapy didn\u2019t work for her, but how important the group has been in her own healing journey. Are we all really snow angels in disguise?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Presentation<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes a person has to go back, really back \u2013 to have a sense, an understanding of all that\u2019s gone to make them \u2013 before they can go forward\u201d.\u00a0 \u00a0Paule Marshall<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Speakers\"<\/a>\"Note<\/a>\"Note<\/a>\"Laura<\/a>\"Answering\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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For those who came wanting to know how to find records, Speakers: Kate Roach, Barnardos and Maria Affinito, NCH Action for Children delivered a joint presentation on the records held about babies and children adopted from Hong Kong under the ISS overseas adoption programme in the 1960\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Their presentation was (I thought) exactly as billed. They told us what information is held, and the process for obtaining it.<\/p>\n

But they were also very helpful in recognising that some adoptees were not part of this initiative and provided useful signposting.<\/p>\n

I was struck not so much by the clarity of the information given but more by their generosity and genuine interest in supporting the group. They had given up their Saturday to freely support each of us. In my excitement of the day I didn\u2019t thank them personally but if either of you happen to read this, xie xie.<\/p>\n

Kate\u2019s journey to find her records<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cSometime in your life you will go on a journey
\n<\/em>It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.
\n<\/em>It is the journey to find yourself\u201d.
\n<\/em>Katherine Sharp<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Kate's<\/a>As well as organising the event, venue, catering, Facebook and Web updates on the event, Kate had also prepared a funny and poignant presentation of her own journey to find her records. A grown up \u201cShow and Tell\u201d, with pictures, documents, anecdotes and reflections.<\/p>\n

It was informative, personal, touching, inspiring. Worthy of, and so much more, than these few lines. Worthy of being reported as an individual blog \u2013 anyone? Or hopefully Kate may put up her own summary (no pressure intended). I imagine the whole day must have been challenging to her in so many ways, as the key organiser, as a participant, responsibility for so much. But Kate rose to meet her challenges and more than succeeded. Way to go, mei mei (little sister), inspirational.<\/p>\n

Summary and Goodbyes<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

\"Sharing\"<\/a>\"Sharing<\/a>\"After\"\"October\"Walking\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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We talked of many things and sadly I don\u2019t remember everything. Root tracing, how to, whether to, cost of having documents certified. Orphanages that may or may not have been sorting stations for abandoned babies. Western interpretations and retelling of stories by our adoptive families to make the truth of abandonments seem less harsh, more palatable, when there is a possibility that the locations of \u201cabandonments\u201d may have been specifically chosen to ensure babies were found. Sisters, Mothers, Daughters. Husbands. We all share of our experiences in these roles. But equally we are allowed to adopt the role of listener if we wish. Feelings are honestly and emotionally shared. Facts are shared. Offers to help are made. And I have little doubt that more intimate exchanges are made throughout the day as we share informally one to one and in small groups and at the dinners before and after the structured part of the day. Debbie gives us some feedback about the BAAF study that been a very instrumental in bringing us all together, and talks of future possibilities. My heart takes a little leap at the thought of meeting up again with my newly found sisters. It is my wedding anniversary, so I can\u2019t stay for the evening meal at Cafe Soya. I make a reluctant exit, but stay for the group photocall. Today I am proud, rather than reluctant to be in the picture. There are sounds of laughter and hilarity as we are directed by Jess towards the right camera to smile into \u2013 and there are many lenses pointing in our direction, one photographer somehow managing to juggle four devices.<\/p>\n

ALONE AGAIN?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I am walking across Birmingham City Centre surrounded by strangers. I feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and the sun in my heart. A glow, a warmth, a love. A sense of sisterhood, a sense of belonging.<\/p>\n

Laura Tan<\/p>\n

(Tang Yuk Lang. DOB 1960. Place of Birth – Tai Po, Hong Kong. Stayed in Po Leung Kuk Dec 31st<\/sup> 1960 \u2013 February 1962)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An Account of the UK HKAN Reunion in Birmingham on 6th October 2012 contributed by Laura Tan. Some names & info has been removed or\u00a0abbreviated\u00a0for data protection: \u201cWould anyone be willing to write a blog of today?\u201d asks someone, possibly … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-760","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-birmingham-oct-2012-blog","category-news-blog"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/760","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=760"}],"version-history":[{"count":44,"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/760\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":820,"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/760\/revisions\/820"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=760"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=760"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.hkadopteesnetwork.com\/uk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=760"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}