Meeting up with Keri the evening before as she was unable to make the celebration. She was one of the Six.
Celebrating there coming together with Debbie Cook who had originally united them at the April Reunion earlier in the year.
Who would of thought this momentous occasion would of been possible!
I know so many of you will want to know how my journey continued after the October reunion in Birmingham. Perhaps my account has been somewhat overdue but with other commitments time has just escaped me so here it is, better late than never.
Those that attended the last reunion in Birmingham will know we had the pleasure of yet another American adoptee sister visiting us Mei Yan, who with Kim Rogers wrote the Fanling Website back in 2006. http://www.fanlingbabies.com/ This was how I got to know them when I made my first contact via the website.
It was during 2010 that we found ourselves on the CAAWR committee arranging the first ‘Chinese Adult Adoptee Worldwide Reunion’ in Hong Kong. We had many a committee Skype conference call leading up to the reunion and when the committee met in person it was like meeting old friends, so that gave us a head start over everybody else. Mei Yan and I spent the last of my four days together in Hong Kong and so I was delighted that she should honour us with a trip over to the UK, which was also to be her first and I hope in time she will come again.
After the reunion, we drove down to Ruislip for a week and commuted back and forth into London to show her the sights and of course introduce to her as many of our group/sisters. Mei Yan was adopted to the USA at an age when she could still remember things about Fanling Babies Home, the discipline, the food, the surroundings and also some of the people.
She remembers the song that they use to sing to Miss Lucy Clay the Superintendant first thing in the morning, ‘Good Morning to you, Good Morning to you’ I am sure Mei Yan won’t mind me telling you this. She also recalls the plays that they use to put on for the visitors to the home as often they were people who helped financially to keep the home running. It was fascinating to introduce her to some of the older girls who were able to jog her memory and listen to them reminisce. As I was only a baby of 26 months old before I was adopted so therefore I have no memories of my previous life, in fact my life started at 26 months old…
One of the journeys we did do was to go to the place in Worthing where Lucy Clay lived, and where her ashes lay in Worthing Crematorium. It was to be quite a moving and solemn day because it was here some 50 years on that Mei Yan could finally say Goodbye to a lady she remembers who took care of her and had been so kind. For me it was a day to say, that although I have no memories of her, I needed to say thank you!
We visited many adoptees on the way in Worthing, Brighton and Portsmouth before Mei Yan and I retired to Southbourne to stay in a lovely guest house for her final 4 days where we could relax and have some long walks by the sea before her journey home. I would just like to thank those of you who helped me with this journey, opening up your homes, offering us the hospitality that was so greatly appreciated. It truly made the journey for Mei Yan a good introduction to our English hospitality.
It’s been a few weeks since the Oct 2012 Birmingham Reunion which has given us all plenty of time to take in and reflect on this smaller gathering. Below are some photos and blog contributions by some of the HKAN members that attended.
Here are some of the photos of the day. More can be found in the blog posts listed above.
If a photo has been posted here that you want removed, please do not hesitate to contact us straight away for a request to remove the photo. If you would like to add photos to this please also contact us. Also if you’d like to add photos to the gallery please email them to us.
Thanks to everyone that supported, presented and attended the latest October 2012 Birmingham HKAN Reunion. We’d like to especially thank our guest speakers Maria Affinito from NCH Action 4 Children and Kate Roach from Barnards for being so patient and insightful. And also thanks to the Chinese Community Centre Birmingham for kindly lending us their venue.
An Account of the UK HKAN Reunion in Birmingham on 6th October 2012 contributed by Laura Tan. Some names & info has been removed or abbreviated for data protection:
“Would anyone be willing to write a blog of today?” asks someone, possibly Debbie, or Kate or Jessica. Yes, it has to be one of the brilliant trio who have worked so hard to steer the group forward and by sheer determination, hard graft and careful planning have made this re-union (maybe a union for first timers) possible – thank you.
My ‘volunteer to write the blog voice’ stays quiet. But my hand seems to shoot up all by itself . Today I am energised and excited by all that has happened. On a roll, thinking, learning, reflecting, growing. Finding my authentic voice, which often seems to get lost in other situations, and indeed got lost at the rather large (for me) BAAF conference earlier this year in London. At the BAAF event, I felt unsure and overwhelmed – and this is in no way intended to criticise what was a brilliant event. I have since worked out, that personal buttons about being the focus of attention for being adopted and Chinese were being stimulated and uncomfortable memories triggered.
After Saturday’s event, on Facebook, Jess offers me good advice “Basically the blog is meant for people that might not have been able to make it to an event so they can get a sense of the day – it doesn’t need to be complex at all”. She also adds “it would also be great to have a personal touch from your perspective of the day and maybe how you felt a little if you’re comfortable with it =).
Advice from both Jess, and Ernest Hemingway (“write the truest sentence you know”) stimulate some deep and complex thinking about what I want to blog. I have written about my feelings of being adopted in my journal, but that was just for private consumption. It feels quite different to write a piece that aims to do justice to such a brilliant day and for an audience with whom I have some deep connection, but barely yet know. To find an authentic writer’s voice. I hear it in my head, I feel it in my heart, but how to put it into words?
The truest sentence I know, is that prior to Saturday, I flinched at the very idea of fellow adoptees calling, or referring to me as Sister. After the BAAF conference, I reported back to my husband that I felt again, here was another place, another group, where I had hoped to fit in, but didn’t feel I did. And now something feels different. Now the event is over, and as I continue to process something has shifted. And I want to go back to edit my first paragraph and write – Thank you, SISTERS, to the SISTERS who organised, and the SISTERS who attended. I want to shout the word SISTER from the rooftops, and hear a thousand Chinese voices shout it, whisper it, mouth it back to me, Jie Jie (big sister, big sister), Mei Mei (little sister, little sister) – welcome home.
Back to some neutrality. Some objective (well, I can but try) account of the day.
Doors opened at 10.45am. The day is a bright sunny Saturday 6th October.The venue was Birmingham’s Chinese Community Centre. Generously donated free of charge, Kate’s workplace. There seemed to me to be time to refresh, meet old and new faces, exchange contact details on a usefully prepared list.
But there was also a finely honed structure to the day, presumably put in place by Kate. And so, to try to add clarity to this blog I’ll try and structure the blog from here to match the structure. Helpful, when my thoughts are literally all over the place.
Icebreaker
The icebreaker was announced whilst I was in the loo. Jess has since reliably informed me that “people were asked to match up with someone they didn’t know and talk about the last adoption thing they came across. Then we would have to tell the groups who and what we talked about as a mini introduction”. And not everyone present was adopted. Adoptees had brought with them sisters, husbands, daughters and possibly friends.
Debbie has asked Yvonne to take H. under her wing as it is her first time to a HKAN reunion. They are seated next to each other on my table. H. is speaking to the group and reads aloud from an article detailing the names of the babies and children who travelled to the UK with her. She reads a name and Yvonne shouts “That was me”. I am instantly struck how I yearn to find my fellow travelling companions. Almost as much as I long to find my birth family, I yearn to find those who were with me in Po Leung Kuk.
And we have an international adoptee from the USA who has come for the first time to the UK. She has a beautiful book of photographs from Fanling (Babies Home orphanage). Earlier I have talked properly with two adoptees who were adopted into the same family as sisters. They are also seated at my table. Their united names form the name of our American visitor. How cool is that? I feel I have been witness to something beautiful. Debbie hands me a gift. A beautiful little mirror with our logo and website address, now changed to .com which very appropriately marks the inclusion of our American sisters. A present, now safely treasured, from Kate, Jess and Debbie. Is there no limit to this trio’s generosity of time, spirit and heart?
For me, the ice completely melted when J. spoke of how important our group was for her, how she so valued being part of it, how she wanted to find her roots and her culture, and learn the language with, and for her children? For me the ‘ice breaker’ was more like a ‘snow former’. A thousand (well, yes, I exaggerate, there were probably about 30 adoptees and 8 guests) snowflakes, swirling, dancing, falling to make pure, bright, yet untrodden snow. And much later, when the group is discussing their experiences of being supported Debbie speaks out courageously to say how therapy didn’t work for her, but how important the group has been in her own healing journey. Are we all really snow angels in disguise?
Presentation
“Sometimes a person has to go back, really back – to have a sense, an understanding of all that’s gone to make them – before they can go forward”. Paule Marshall
For those who came wanting to know how to find records, Speakers: Kate Roach, Barnardos and Maria Affinito, NCH Action for Children delivered a joint presentation on the records held about babies and children adopted from Hong Kong under the ISS overseas adoption programme in the 1960’s.
Their presentation was (I thought) exactly as billed. They told us what information is held, and the process for obtaining it.
But they were also very helpful in recognising that some adoptees were not part of this initiative and provided useful signposting.
I was struck not so much by the clarity of the information given but more by their generosity and genuine interest in supporting the group. They had given up their Saturday to freely support each of us. In my excitement of the day I didn’t thank them personally but if either of you happen to read this, xie xie.
Kate’s journey to find her records
“Sometime in your life you will go on a journey
It will be the longest journey you have ever taken.
It is the journey to find yourself”.
Katherine Sharp
As well as organising the event, venue, catering, Facebook and Web updates on the event, Kate had also prepared a funny and poignant presentation of her own journey to find her records. A grown up “Show and Tell”, with pictures, documents, anecdotes and reflections.
It was informative, personal, touching, inspiring. Worthy of, and so much more, than these few lines. Worthy of being reported as an individual blog – anyone? Or hopefully Kate may put up her own summary (no pressure intended). I imagine the whole day must have been challenging to her in so many ways, as the key organiser, as a participant, responsibility for so much. But Kate rose to meet her challenges and more than succeeded. Way to go, mei mei (little sister), inspirational.
Summary and Goodbyes
We talked of many things and sadly I don’t remember everything. Root tracing, how to, whether to, cost of having documents certified. Orphanages that may or may not have been sorting stations for abandoned babies. Western interpretations and retelling of stories by our adoptive families to make the truth of abandonments seem less harsh, more palatable, when there is a possibility that the locations of “abandonments” may have been specifically chosen to ensure babies were found. Sisters, Mothers, Daughters. Husbands. We all share of our experiences in these roles. But equally we are allowed to adopt the role of listener if we wish. Feelings are honestly and emotionally shared. Facts are shared. Offers to help are made. And I have little doubt that more intimate exchanges are made throughout the day as we share informally one to one and in small groups and at the dinners before and after the structured part of the day. Debbie gives us some feedback about the BAAF study that been a very instrumental in bringing us all together, and talks of future possibilities. My heart takes a little leap at the thought of meeting up again with my newly found sisters. It is my wedding anniversary, so I can’t stay for the evening meal at Cafe Soya. I make a reluctant exit, but stay for the group photocall. Today I am proud, rather than reluctant to be in the picture. There are sounds of laughter and hilarity as we are directed by Jess towards the right camera to smile into – and there are many lenses pointing in our direction, one photographer somehow managing to juggle four devices.
ALONE AGAIN?
I am walking across Birmingham City Centre surrounded by strangers. I feel the warmth of the sun on my face, and the sun in my heart. A glow, a warmth, a love. A sense of sisterhood, a sense of belonging.
Laura Tan
(Tang Yuk Lang. DOB 1960. Place of Birth – Tai Po, Hong Kong. Stayed in Po Leung Kuk Dec 31st 1960 – February 1962)
An Account of the UK HKAN Reunion in Birmingham on 6th October 2012 contributed by Yvonne Gee:
Since returning home, I have spent some more time, reflecting on our B”ham w/e, and was struck by the level of sharing that takes place, for example
At this latest Reunion, some members brought and kindly allowed us to read their Social Care Reports, these were written by the Hong Kong Social Services worker in charge of our case, and became the Report sent to prospective Adoptive Parents in the UK. Briefly they outline the circumstances in which each child would have been found, the location and date. Then goes on to describe the child’s orphanage environment, their typical day, appearance, character, and any medical details.
With the distance of some fifty years, and the allowances for differences in language and vast changes in Social Care protocols, they made interesting reading, which no doubt would also be of great significance and interest to a student of Social Care history today. We have previsoulsy been cautioned that the language and wording in our documentation may reflect the times and would not be considered acceptable or paleatable particularly with our current climate of political correctness.
We had the rare opportunity to peruse these Social Care Reports over our fabulous buffet supper at the excellent Cafe Soya. This sharing of the reports for me, was a wonderous and amazing act of generousity & kindness. I guess that for me, I still hold some residual hesitancy and sense perhaps of shame, about my early circumstances, so for the two women who had brought their reports and so bravely (to my mind) let others read them, I give my thanks and total respect. Reading them, has made me seek out my own documentation upon returning home, and I re-read my SCR numerous times, that now I can feel proud and re-claim my own inheritance and story with my head held high. I know that this is only my personal experience, and not neccessarily that of others in this group – but does for me speak of how deeply held our wounds are. Inadvertently, certainly not intentionally, were these statements, judgements, remarks madeover us young, as yet unformed characters, when beleaguered and no doubt overworked social workers were trying their very best to secure a stronger more postive future for each one of us.
So it was with much hilarity and good humour that we had the priviledge & honour to read these, my aplogies in advance if I cause offence by saying that we laughed &lau ghed, over such quotes: ‘She’ looks far better than she appears in her photograph. Or another: ‘Her’ motor skills are good, evidenced by her tendancy to snatch toys from other children’. Or ‘She’ doesn’t like furry things and is afraid of her Teddy Bear. or Notice when an aluminium dish is dropped to the floor ‘She” jumps as if startled.’
The latter led me to observe that, perhaps that old aluminium pot must have been well dented, as I wonder if the orphanage workers, to lighten their overworked routine didn’t simply sneak up on the poor unsuspecting toddlers and deliberately drop that pot to the floor, just for the fun of the reaction!
My own report contains the statement: She doesn’t like innoculations and when *blood is taken from her, she gets angry.
(*Blood was not routinely extracted from children, it was only taken in my case, because I had to undergo extensive orthopaedic surgery.) And another quote also mentions being easily started and fear of loud noises: when crossing the road, she appears to be frightened. and another: She is a very quiet child and speaks very softly who will need to be encouraged to speak out and speak with more volume. Presumably something that I did master, as this clearly is no longer a problem for me today!
I wonder that perhaps we were all raised in an atmosphere of submission and docility. My report makes mention due to the often large numbers of children in their care orphanage workers would require obedience and compliance. And my recollections are of ordered behaviour, straight lines marching out for meals and to the toilet, and an atmosphere of calm and serenity. Which thinking back is extraordinary considering the enormous numbers living together.
Yvonne Gee
8 October 2012
St Albans, Herts
Debbie Cook, the founder member of UKHKAN, asked us if we would writes something for the website about our observations of it.
Way back in 2008 when we heard that we had funding for the British Chinese Adoption Study (BCAS), the challenge was to find the 100 girls whose adoption records we had access to who had been brought over from Hong Kong to the UK and adopted with British families. From the records we had the girls’ Chinese and British names and sometimes a photo that had been taken either prior to or just after arriving at the UK, and of course the last known address of the adopters. As you know we were fortunate to locate 99 of the women we were looking for, either by making a direct approach or through a family member, and we did this with some trepidation. We were fully aware that contact out of the blue and after so many years would come as a shock for many of the women, and could raise a range of thoughts, feelings and anxieties about what this study was and if and how they should agree to participate. Indeed it was not unusual for the women to question how we managed to locate them. We explained we had used public records and that it had taken many months to piece together the information. Unfortunately in some cases where we had approached a family member, they felt that it was not appropriate for them to inform their relative about BCAS and that we wanted to invite them to participate. However, as you know 72 women agreed to participate, which we were delighted with! Some others did not wish to or felt unable to take part for a variety of reasons, although some asked to be kept in touch about the study’s progress and findings.
When we first approached the women some had not realised that there were other girls who had been brought over in the 1960s and placed for adoption. So one thing we decided to do was to find out if they would want to be put in touch with other women and many did. For us it has been fantastic to see how the network has grown and how much support you are able to gain from each other. We are aware it is very unusual for this to happen in a research study so it is special and only you can say what the network has done for you.
We know that the BAAF event (at Nuffield Foundation, London) on the 24th January 2012 that brought 50 of you together in person was a day that will always be remembered and it is the same for us. It was wonderful to watch how you all mingled and chatted and was for some the first day of forging strong friendships that will go on into the future. We continue to be so impressed with how the group has gone from strength to strength and all the things that you offer including the regular meetings you now have, your own logo and website. UKHKAN truly has its own identity!
We have really enjoyed meeting and getting to know you so will be sad when the study is finally finished – it feels like we have gathered a little or should we say a big family!
Nonetheless we look forward to the publication of the book which describes the range of experiences you shared with us. We thank you for your continued patience, particularly as the study has not been completed in the time scale we originally anticipated. However as you will appreciate the study has been complex and it is really important to report findings that are robust and can be accounted for.
The main part of the analysis will be completed in time for the conference we are holding in October when two other studies relating to orphanage care will also be reported. However, the book that we are writing for a much wider audience will not be published until February – all being well. The research team is keen to publish our results for different kinds of readers and so, in addition to the book, we will be submitting various articles to scientific psychology journals in due course.
We will continue to keep you updated about this and at the time the book is published we are intending to send you all a summary of the findings.
Meanwhile we want to thank you all for your interest and or participation in the study and for inviting us to your meetings.
Warmest wishes to you all
Julia and Margaret
I thought you would all like to hear that Julia was honoured in the Queen’s birthday honours with an OBE for services to children and families!
There is a short annoucement on the BAAF website: http://www.baaf.org.uk/
An Account of the UK HKAN Reunion in London on 21st April 2012 contributed by Claire Martin:
This was my 4th UK HKAN Reunion (not even counting the Nuffield event in January) so I considered myself a bit of a veteran. Was it only 18 months ago that I sat, stunned, in a Birmingham restaurant, staring at a sea of Chinese faces? Images floated in slow motion, black and white photos of sombre babies in brocade jackets, documents tenderly passing from hand to hand, snatches of conversation in disembodied accents – like mine, never quite matching the face – and one sad phrase, “Place of abandonment” that settled ever since like a thorn in my unconscious mind. Spring followed and our first London reunion, home turf and familiar faces made it so much easier to welcome new adoptees, who, like I had done , froze like rabbits in the headlights.
“Look how we’ve grown!” as a metaphorical kindly aunt may have exclaimed. From a handful of adoptees meeting for lunch in Manchester, in less than 2 years, there we were, 58 people stuffed in a London conference room. With Americans! And a fella. We welcomed our first brother to a UK reunion. Adopted by a forces family, as a number of us have been, he followed his father into the British Army. He grew up in the North of England and now lives in Leeds.
You just knew how big we were now when we were faced with a panel. Debbie, the Great Organiser, Jess, our designer and photographer and Kate who facilitated the event. The beginnings of a Committee, no less.
We broke the ice, (not literally, of course, since the capricious London weather decided to be glorious that day), with a couple of warm up exercises. One involved squeezing past tables and climbing over fellow adoptees to assemble in front of volunteers holding placards with inspiring words such as Travel, Creative, Reading or Sporty/Outdoors. The purpose of this (I’m presuming here) was to identify which word describes us best and gives us the chance to build rapport with adoptees with similar interests. No prizes for guessing which group was least attended. What do expect with 35 menopausal women? Kelly Holmes?
A later exercise was really revealing. Volunteers stood against the back wall holding numbered placards labelled Other Adoptees (content meeting other adoptees only), Curious (considering finding out a bit more), UK Only (research extends only to UK so far), Hong Kong (research extended to Hong Kong), Received Information (oh, happiness), Returned to Hong Kong in Connection with Search (and maybe even done the “Found & Hope” – looking for place of abandonment) and finally, Contact from Family (I should be so lucky). After the scrum like activity of the ice breaker, it was decided to invite us to stand up as each title was called out, each reflecting the milestone we had reached on our Search Journey. Had I been clever enough to be able to record, analyse and depict the results, I would imagine that a bell curve like diagram would emerge. The majority of us had embarked on a treasure hunt for information on ourselves, accessing adoption records from the two sponsoring UK based children’s homes, National Children’s Home (now Action for Children) and Barnardo’s. Those further along the journey had contacted Hong Kong Social Services and the like. At the extremes were those who weren’t interested in roots searching and, to enormous applause, was one of our American sisters, standing alone as the one who had found blood relatives. Way to go, Girl.
During lunch we discovered that the 9 of us who arrived at Heathrow together on 20th December 1962 and photographed by the national press had all been traced and named. To our delight, Debbie managed to unite 6 of us at the reunion and we had our photos taken together holding That Picture.
It was fantastic listening to our American sisters and particularly moving to hear from Kim, who established the Fanling website that, for many of us, gave us the first step on our “Journey of a Thousand Lives?” and united us in a new family of Hong Kong adoptees across the globe. We were all moved to tears when she spoke tenderly of Lucy Clay as “our mother” and how she died in obscurity and relative poverty. I was privileged to meet the lady who had looked after Miss Clay in her final months. We adoptees are all grateful for the love and care she gave her in her twilight.
Jess introduced us to our new logo and website, and, as is usual at our meetings, there’s always a nice surprise for us. This time it was a little mirror each so we could finally see someone looking like us and our logo on the other side to remind us of our new family.
We again welcomed a guest speaker. This time it was Margaret Bryer of the International Social Services (ISS), now known as Children and Families Across Borders (IFAB). Margaret gave us a potted history of the ISS, a detailed explanation of the Hong Kong Project which brought so many of us to the UK, the USA and New Zealand and some insights into how the adoptions were conceived, planned and implemented. Jess, I know, will find a link for you to read in detail for yourself.
The one thing that struck me most of all was Margaret told us how much our biological mothers cared for us and what a wrench it was for them to give us up. Let’s no longer think of ourselves as abandoned, Sisters and Brothers. We were left to be found.
Claire Ling Chi Martin
Arrived in the UK 20th December 1962.
It’s been a few weeks since the April 2012 London Reunion, we’ve all had a bit of time to reflect. We wanted to share some pictures ‘Margaret Bryer’s Talk’ and Claire’s blog.
We’d also like you to take the time to give some feedback by answering the 5 questions that where on the wall at the reunion to help plan reunions in the future:
If a photo has been posted here that you want removed, please do not hesitate to contact us straight away for a request to remove the photo. If you would like to add photos to this please also contact us.
We want to thank everyone that came to the event and helped make it happen. We’d like to thank Julia Feast & BAAF for helping us out with a venue and Margaret Bryer for talking about her and ISS involvement in HK adoption.
At the April Reunion event, we posted 5 questions around the walls which were designed to help us with future planning. Not everybody answered every question, but there were enough responses to help us plan future events. Just to remind you, we aim to hold two “official” UKHKAN meet-ups per year: one is not enough, but more than two would be too much for an informal social network without resources to organise.
Q1: Location of meetings The vast majority of people attending the meet-up were from London/South of England, with a high proportion from West Sussex. This was reflected in people’s preferences for location of meetings: 17 people want to meet in London/South; 2 in the Midlands; 4 in the North; others wanted to meet in San Francisco, Hong Kong [naturally!] and Tin Bit Tomb – don’t even ask ??!!??
Q2: Times of meetings 21 people want to meet on Saturday mornings; 2 on Sunday mornings; 4 on weekday mornings. Three want to meet on Saturday afternoons, and two on weekday afternoons.
Q3: Costs
Venue: Our first few meetings took place in restaurants and pubs. This was fine when there were 8 of us, but 60 definitely calls for a private meeting space. If we need to hire a room, we will need to split the costs of this between the people attending. We asked how much people could comfortably afford to pay towards room hire: 17 said they could pay £10, two said they could pay £20. Nobody marked the £0, £5, £15 or £25 options.
Food & drink: We also asked how much people were able to pay towards food and drink at the meet-ups: 12 people marked the £5-10 option; 3 people marked the £10-15 option, and one person marked £5.
Q4: Format of meetings People attend the gatherings for different reasons – many just want to meet with others with whom they feel they have a common bond while some want to discuss serious topics in an in-depth way. We have no intention of dictating the purpose/s of the group, but hope everybody gains something from attending. Debbie’s aim in starting the network up was to provide a safe and supportive environment for adult adoptees to discuss their adoption stories if they wish.
With that in mind, we asked adoptees who they felt should be able to attend our Reunions, and whether they would like meetings which are mostly open but may include closed sessions for adoptees only. 12 people said they thought meetings should be open to spouses/partners and children; three think meetings should be open to adoptive parents.
We also asked non-adoptees whether they would attend the reunions if they included closed sessions: 8 said yes; 3 said no; one said ‘it depends’, although s/he didn’t say what it depended on.
Q5: Media presence There has been media/production company interest in attending our events: 1 person stated they would not attend meet-ups at all if the media were present; 8 prefer not to have media present; 1 is happy to attend provided the media leave him/her alone; 8 were happy to have the media in attendance and to talk to them; two prefer the media to wait until the evening meal or events after/outside the main reunion.
So, what are our conclusions?
Location – given the geographical spread of people, we feel that it is logical for one meeting each year to take place in London/South. Out of fairness to those who live elsewhere, we will hold the other event in the Midlands as we believe the further north we go, the fewer people will attend. These events are for everybody – we don’t want UKHKAN to split into two smaller regionally-focused groups; but obviously there is nothing to stop people organising their own local get-togethers. That is likely to be work better for people who dislike larger gatherings. Please do use this website and the Facebook page to post about local events. Since Debbie is from way up north, and I’m the nation’s heart [;-)], we will appreciate help with finding venues and restaurants for the London/South reunions, and with providing any practical equipment such as PA/AV systems.
Times – as some people travel long distances to attend meetings, we set the start time at 12 noon, with registration from 11am. This allows most people to travel on the Saturday morning, but does mean meetings go into the afternoon. We will try to ensure meetings end by 3.30pm, so that, even if people join us for a meal afterwards, they can leave at a reasonable time. A 12pm start and 3.30pm finish cuts out the need for most people to stay overnight, thereby avoiding hotel costs. Saturday was the clear favourite, so we will stick with that.
Costs – the responses gave us a clear steer of £10 contributions towards venue costs. Obviously the more people who attend, the lower the cost will be. Although we didn’t refine the question, we assume people meant £10 per family, not per person. We will try to keep the costs of food & drink as close to the £5 mark as possible.
The biggest help you can give us to keep the costs down is to register attendance as early as possible so that we have a clear idea of numbers.
Format of Events & Media – as the majority of people indicated a preference not to have the media present during the main events – including one who would not attend at all if media were there – we will not allow the media to attend. There is still a significant number who are happy to talk to the media, and therefore any journalists or producers who ask to attend will be informed that they can attend the evening meal. If journalists/producers are going to attend meals, we will notify you in advance on this website and the Facebook pages, and also inform people at the beginning of the meetings.
We will instruct journalists not to make cold approaches to people, but to allow people to approach them if they want to discuss their stories.
Please do NOT invite journalists or production companies to UKHKAN reunions. Again, you are perfectly free to talk to the media at your own events or in your own time, but please do not do this under the UKHKAN banner.
As only a minority of people indicated they are happy to invite adoptive parents, the UKHKAN reunions will be open to adoptees, their spouses/partners, children and friends only.
We hope people find our conclusions acceptable. We have mooted the idea of seeking sponsorship to cover the costs so that nobody is excluded from attending on ground of costs. If this happens, we may need to have terms of reference for the network. We aren’t at that stage yet, but if we ever get that far, we will post a message so we can get your ideas.
If anybody has connections with potential sponsors, please put them in touch with Debbie. We would be seeking either cash to cover costs of venue, equipment and catering or the provision of a venue with these facilities. Sponsorship in kind would be preferable as we don’t have a bank account, and to set one up would not only require written terms of reference, but also a minimum of two signatories which is a bit inconvenient when we’re dotted all over the country.
Regards to all
Kate Gordon
Footnote – since April’s meeting, Debbie and I have discussed what time of year the meet-ups should take place. We propose moving one closer to Chinese New Year ie end of January – beginning of February; if the meetings are spaced out evenly, the second one would take place late June/early July which would be a nicer time of year to meet than October.
We very much welcome your responses and further suggestions to all the above.